Adventures in Sewing Part 2

As you may know, I have started a project that requires sewing.  Since my first attempt didn’t work out so well, I decided to educate myself by reading and watching tutorials.  I started with the video, but soon gave up because I found the narrator’s voice to be a bit ahem, distracting.  So, I decided to read the manual instead.  Problem solved, right?

Sort of.  Yes, the manual was informative.  It was also interesting reading.  I know, you’re thinking, interesting reading?  A sewing manual?  Do you read gas pipeline tariffs in your spare time? (Full disclosure:  I have read a pipeline tariff cover to cover.  Yes, that makes me a bit of a nerd.)  But that’s not why it was interesting.

Here are a few things that made this “literature” interesting reading.

When the nanny state goes horribly wrong:

Children shall not play with the appliance
I don’t remember studying this commandment in Sunday School.

Never run your sewing machine off your car battery.  Is this even possible?

Only use household power
Only use regular household electricity? I’m guessing if you’re hooking this up to a generator, you have bigger problems. Like you have no power. Or you’re naked and have no clothes. But you still have fabric?  And thread? 

Safety before fun.  Really, who would do this?

More inane instructions
This seems like common sense, right? And yet I’m guessing it’s here because some dunderhead decided this was a great idea.

Some fashion advice for you sewing enthusiasts:

Foot controller with slipper
Apparently, only women from the ’50s use sewing machines. I’d better go get my housecoat.

Measure twice, cut once.  Assuming you can find the measure…

15/64 inch (6 mm)
One 15/64 inch? 1 – My tape measure doesn’t do 64th of an inch. 2 – That is some thick-ass fabric.  I’m still trying to figure out what you would sew out of this fabric.  Anyone?

What?

Fagoting - a sewing technique
Hoping no manual could be this insensitive in 2018, I did some research.  Turns out it’s a type of stitch.  Or a bundle of twigs or wood.  I feel smarter already!

More common sense safety warnings that prove common sense ain’t so common:

Seam ripper instructions
‘Seam ripper slips’? Say that 5 times fast. Also? I don’t want to think about unintended ways to use a seam ripper.  Ouch.

And finally, a new drinking game.

Sewing safety warning
OK, I know safety is important, but do you really have to repeat the same warning three times on one page? Does sewing have a ‘hold my beer’ competition?  Guess what would happen if you played a drinking game using this warning?  That’s right: alcohol poisoning.

Well, here’s to sewing – and safety.  Gotta run – I need to whip up a housecoat to wear before I can sew again!

 

 

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